Monday, March 30, 2009

I Had a Bad Day

I applied for an internship with Nebo School District to teach next year. There were 39 applicants and 32 positions. Only 7 getting turned down - pretty good odds, right? Well, I got turned down. It makes me feel worse to know that so few didn't get it. I don't think I've ever been turned down for things like this before. My motivation to go to school tomorrow, write lesson plans, and finish off the semester are now at ZERO. They told me I can sign up to be on an alternate list, which I will do, but I am not optomistic about it. I do have some inside information though, which is this:

One of the directors who was there was Russ's boss's wife. So I talked to her while I was waiting for my interview. She called her husband and lunch and told him about me and said I was great. Then during the deliberating, she apparently voted for me and spoke up in my behalf, but the principals already wanted specific people and so I didn't get it. Apparently she just went home and told her husband they made a big mistake in not hiring me. That's nice to have someone on the inside to find all that stuff out, but still, sad.

So now.....................I don't know. I honestly don't want to student teach. I don't want to be in someone else's class for 4 months, not get paid for it, drive to who knows where for it, and not be able to work anywhere else because I'll basically already have a full-time (although non-paying) job. I'm toying with the idea of graduating in August and just not getting my teaching lisence, but then what would I do with my life? And who knows, maybe someone will have something come up and I might still get the internship, but for now, I just feel SO down in the dumps. I now realize why people don't tell people right away they are pregnant. I wish I could just say that I didn't care either way, but I seriously didn't even have a plan B. Ever since my freshman year, I had planned on this internship. So I know Heavenly Father is in charge, but right now I am having a hard time seeing what His plan is now. There was so much riding on me getting that job - 20,000 dollars to name one. We just really planned on having that income to save for Russ's grad school tuition and buying a new car and I just feel like I let Russ down too. He, of course, disagrees and knows we'll be okay.

I just don't know what the motivation is to keep going to school and working hard when I know that I'm not going to get paid for it or have a guaranteed job when it's over. Plus, I just don't want to go to school this week and face everyone who a)I told I was applying and b)who did get accepted.

I'll admit that this entry is probably a little dramatic and VERY woe is me, but I could really use some moral support (yes, I am fishing for comments) :)


Brianna said...

Adri, I am so sorry that happened! I feel the pain you're going through, and I agree with Russ, I know things will get better for you! It's just hard to get through this stuff first. But you can make it! Just keep trying, things will work out. We are here for you guys and will give any help/support you need!

Carson said...

Dad and I are in shock that you didn't get the internship; we can't understand how anyone who knows you wouldn't want to hire you! I feel terrible for you and wish I had a magic wand to make the disappointment go away. But maybe this is a life lesson you needed to learn at this time, and you may not understand the reason why for many years to come.
I know you're discouraged now, but don't let this sour you on your lifelong dream to be a teacher. You will prevail because you have a positive and upbeat personality (which is one of the reasons why you'll be such an awesome teacher!)

Lindsay said...

Hey Adri;
You don't know me as anyone other than Lissa's friend Lindsay, maybe, but I thought I'd comment on your post because I know exactly how it feels when something you plan on for years doesn't work out. When I graduated college, I had planned on continuing to grad school immediately to get my PhD and eventually teach (this had been my plan for years). I applied to the programs, and figured I had a pretty good shot at getting in. I was wrong, and was left with the disappointment of watching my Plan A go up in smoke and the panic of realizing I didn't have a Plan B. That was five years ago, and with the gift of hindsight (ain't it grand) I can see that things really worked out the way they were supposed to--I would NEVER be where I am today without those original plans falling through, and I love the way my life is now. Your not getting this position (even though I KNOW how disappointing it is right now) only leaves you open for whatever other opportunities are coming your way. And trust me, something will come your way, something that dovetails exactly with what you're meant to be doing, whatever that may be. Sometimes you just have to give yourself a minute to be upset, then take a deep breath and look forward, because THAT'S where your real chance is going to be.
Just a little unsolicited advice from someone who's had her plans merrily shredded to pieces by life more times than she can count over the years...and is all the happier for it!

Jason and Lissa said...

Oh, Adri! I can't believe it. Stupid principals. They don't know what they're missing! I know you'll figure out what Heavenly Father wants you to do. It's always a little humbling when you're used to things going well and life being (relatively) easy, and then you're thrown a curve ball (like my crazy pregnancy!) It will work out, sis. Keep your options open. Then just hit your knees and find out which way to go next.

Amanda Impett said...

I'm sorry I know how disappointing it is to not get something you really want that has happened to me more times than I can count. It's okay to feel hurt and bummed BUT don't dwell on it too long I know it's hard but you need to get up and finish what you started even if you have to fake it at first but eventually things will get better. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it trust me I have had to many many times. Everything will be okay and I commend your faith in knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan. I know that he is a loving Father who wants what is best for each of us but I also know that everything is on his timing and that sometimes he doesn't give us everything we want or think we want but that what he ends up giving us is SO much better than what we thought we had wanted before. Keep your chin up and keep having faith something will work out.

Melanie said...

You are a fantastic woman! I have so much admiration for you in all that you do! They are the ones who will be disappointed when they find out what they missed out on! If this isn't the one, then it will be something BETTER!

Gary said...

Dear Adri,
I just can't believe they passed you by!! How shortsighted of them!
Please don't give up on the teach
ing, though. It's a wonderful career for a wife and mom. Earning my degree and teaching certificate
were the best money Grandpa and I ever spent.
Love, Grandma

Jamie Ward said...

and so do I!!
I'm glad I mistakingly called you last night. I'll do it more often