I applied for an internship with Nebo School District to teach next year. There were 39 applicants and 32 positions. Only 7 getting turned down - pretty good odds, right? Well, I got turned down. It makes me feel worse to know that so few didn't get it. I don't think I've ever been turned down for things like this before. My motivation to go to school tomorrow, write lesson plans, and finish off the semester are now at ZERO. They told me I can sign up to be on an alternate list, which I will do, but I am not optomistic about it. I do have some inside information though, which is this:
One of the directors who was there was Russ's boss's wife. So I talked to her while I was waiting for my interview. She called her husband and lunch and told him about me and said I was great. Then during the deliberating, she apparently voted for me and spoke up in my behalf, but the principals already wanted specific people and so I didn't get it. Apparently she just went home and told her husband they made a big mistake in not hiring me. That's nice to have someone on the inside to find all that stuff out, but still, sad.
So now.....................I don't know. I honestly don't want to student teach. I don't want to be in someone else's class for 4 months, not get paid for it, drive to who knows where for it, and not be able to work anywhere else because I'll basically already have a full-time (although non-paying) job. I'm toying with the idea of graduating in August and just not getting my teaching lisence, but then what would I do with my life? And who knows, maybe someone will have something come up and I might still get the internship, but for now, I just feel SO down in the dumps. I now realize why people don't tell people right away they are pregnant. I wish I could just say that I didn't care either way, but I seriously didn't even have a plan B. Ever since my freshman year, I had planned on this internship. So I know Heavenly Father is in charge, but right now I am having a hard time seeing what His plan is now. There was so much riding on me getting that job - 20,000 dollars to name one. We just really planned on having that income to save for Russ's grad school tuition and buying a new car and I just feel like I let Russ down too. He, of course, disagrees and knows we'll be okay.
I just don't know what the motivation is to keep going to school and working hard when I know that I'm not going to get paid for it or have a guaranteed job when it's over. Plus, I just don't want to go to school this week and face everyone who a)I told I was applying and b)who did get accepted.
I'll admit that this entry is probably a little dramatic and VERY woe is me, but I could really use some moral support (yes, I am fishing for comments) :)